How to make a Tamil Serial

Wanna make a quick buck? Wanna parade about with a dozen sponsors and a few fans? Wanna be famous for nothing? Make a TAMIL SERIAL, (or a music video). Just follow the below instructions and you have a steady, incoming credit to your bank account. Why, it can foot your yearly frankee bill. So, here goes what can be the best inverstment plan of your life, (though I still feel that you can be a vadyar.) 

NUMBER ONE: OPENING SEQUENCE

This is absolutely necessary. It is so necessary you can just have this and nothing else. You need-:

1- A wedding

2- Wedding music

3- Two people marrying

4- Still shots of the serial. 

This part is of utmost importance. Your music has to be catchy. If your serial title is "Friday", then the whole song has to be a lot of "Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday." Remember, repetition rocks. (Alliterations ftw :P ) Your opening has to be atleast 10 minutes long, for a thirty minute serial. Increase time proportionally.

NUMBER TWO: HEROINES

Another neccessity. Have as many girls as there are in the freaking planet. A wife, a daughter, a mother, a sister in law, a mother in law, a servant, all-in-one, none-in-one, whatever. Characteristics of the main female lead include

1- Some... weight. Your viewers like well-fed people, remember. 

2- Extremely hard working tear glands.

3- A collection of saris.

Your heroine is also focussed on in the opening sequence, but she cannot be dancing. Let her be married off, let her be walking along the beach, etc etc. 

NUMBER THREE: VAMP

There are no villians in a tamil serial. There are only vamps. She is the killer element of your serial, you can even make her a killer. She can lie, cheat, swindle, do whatever she wants. The camera has to focus a lot on her face, so make sure she does not wear any make-up. She needs a seperate background score, that is always present when she is on screen. Also, she you need the camera to replay stufff for you. If she is slapped, she needs to be slapped 4 times. If she slaps, she needs to slap 6 times. Increase proportionally according to the seriousness of the insulting. 

She needs a characteristic laugh, so go ask Mogambo or Raavan for advice. She also needs to be the cutest gal on the show, anytone cuter than her has to be killed off. 

NUMBER FOUR: HERO

Your hero is the normal guy you always see catching fish or the like. He needs to be a gorilla, hair everywhere. He should be fat as well, and as easily corrupted as a three year old child is. 

THATS ALL. You need just the above to have a succesful televison show. Forget about everything else. Also, in the credits, make sure to mark your educational qualification. Tenth pass is the lowest I have seen. So, please do better than that. 

Congratulations on your new career!!!

Oh, you are wondering about your story? Just make sure it is long. Thats all. Be sure to send me a small packet of appreciation. 

Bloody Hell!!

We learn Macbeth for literature, okay, and in the Banquet scene, we have him (Macbeth) saying stuff like I am in a stream of blood, and I cannot get out and stuff. Very very very bloody. In sheer boredom, I wrote something stupd about blood, and only upon rereading it did I realize that it was, in fact, bloody good. :P 

The title, of course, is absconding. :/ 

I was swimming in a giant swimming pool

Only it contained no water

Sometime, I looked down and blanched

'Twas a huge pool of blood. 

Reflected images of my many crimes

Refracted evidence of my cruelty

And I tried to get away from approaching disaster

A gigantic flood of blood. 

Anywhere I looked, Satan I saw

He laughed at helpless helplessness. 

Accused me of the more vicious crimes

Waves of words and blood accosted me.

Nightstalker. He follows me everywhere

His roving eye strives with min

Crushes it into pieces, towards

The gigantic flood of blood. 

Wet from fear. Or is it plasma?

I heave myself from the pool

But she is standing there

Corporeal reality.

I stick out my arm. She clutches it. 

She tries to pull me up, but I am heavy.

By the Gods, she changes into my greatest enemy

And the gigantic flood of blood. 

He glares at my visage. 

He holds limp arm and laughs. 

His evil teeth glimmer with fury.

Splash. He lets my arm go.

I fall down in high definition

This dissipitation of energy

Waves of my fall, approach

The gigantic flood of blood. 

Charon rows towards me. 

Rowing furiously from Acheron

I jump, he catches me. 

We row to that blinding white light. 

But I hear the thread snip cut

Furious Fury roars at me.

The boat becomes a fledging stuck in 

That gigantic flood of blood. 

Paralyzing pain paints pure white flames

In my brain. I am conscious. 

And when I see Him, I scream

And wake up from this dream. 

Silver sweat was that swimming pool.

Fantastic fancies were Satan.

But the knife stuck in my heart

Was the gigantic flood of blood. 

Don't ask me the meaning, I don't know myself. And the protaganist is not me. I hate blood, probably fear it more than everything except for A man with a gun. Or a knife, I don't really go for the particulars.