How to make a Tamil Serial

Wanna make a quick buck? Wanna parade about with a dozen sponsors and a few fans? Wanna be famous for nothing? Make a TAMIL SERIAL, (or a music video). Just follow the below instructions and you have a steady, incoming credit to your bank account. Why, it can foot your yearly frankee bill. So, here goes what can be the best inverstment plan of your life, (though I still feel that you can be a vadyar.) 

NUMBER ONE: OPENING SEQUENCE

This is absolutely necessary. It is so necessary you can just have this and nothing else. You need-:

1- A wedding

2- Wedding music

3- Two people marrying

4- Still shots of the serial. 

This part is of utmost importance. Your music has to be catchy. If your serial title is "Friday", then the whole song has to be a lot of "Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday." Remember, repetition rocks. (Alliterations ftw :P ) Your opening has to be atleast 10 minutes long, for a thirty minute serial. Increase time proportionally.

NUMBER TWO: HEROINES

Another neccessity. Have as many girls as there are in the freaking planet. A wife, a daughter, a mother, a sister in law, a mother in law, a servant, all-in-one, none-in-one, whatever. Characteristics of the main female lead include

1- Some... weight. Your viewers like well-fed people, remember. 

2- Extremely hard working tear glands.

3- A collection of saris.

Your heroine is also focussed on in the opening sequence, but she cannot be dancing. Let her be married off, let her be walking along the beach, etc etc. 

NUMBER THREE: VAMP

There are no villians in a tamil serial. There are only vamps. She is the killer element of your serial, you can even make her a killer. She can lie, cheat, swindle, do whatever she wants. The camera has to focus a lot on her face, so make sure she does not wear any make-up. She needs a seperate background score, that is always present when she is on screen. Also, she you need the camera to replay stufff for you. If she is slapped, she needs to be slapped 4 times. If she slaps, she needs to slap 6 times. Increase proportionally according to the seriousness of the insulting. 

She needs a characteristic laugh, so go ask Mogambo or Raavan for advice. She also needs to be the cutest gal on the show, anytone cuter than her has to be killed off. 

NUMBER FOUR: HERO

Your hero is the normal guy you always see catching fish or the like. He needs to be a gorilla, hair everywhere. He should be fat as well, and as easily corrupted as a three year old child is. 

THATS ALL. You need just the above to have a succesful televison show. Forget about everything else. Also, in the credits, make sure to mark your educational qualification. Tenth pass is the lowest I have seen. So, please do better than that. 

Congratulations on your new career!!!

Oh, you are wondering about your story? Just make sure it is long. Thats all. Be sure to send me a small packet of appreciation. 

Bloody Hell!!

We learn Macbeth for literature, okay, and in the Banquet scene, we have him (Macbeth) saying stuff like I am in a stream of blood, and I cannot get out and stuff. Very very very bloody. In sheer boredom, I wrote something stupd about blood, and only upon rereading it did I realize that it was, in fact, bloody good. :P 

The title, of course, is absconding. :/ 

I was swimming in a giant swimming pool

Only it contained no water

Sometime, I looked down and blanched

'Twas a huge pool of blood. 

Reflected images of my many crimes

Refracted evidence of my cruelty

And I tried to get away from approaching disaster

A gigantic flood of blood. 

Anywhere I looked, Satan I saw

He laughed at helpless helplessness. 

Accused me of the more vicious crimes

Waves of words and blood accosted me.

Nightstalker. He follows me everywhere

His roving eye strives with min

Crushes it into pieces, towards

The gigantic flood of blood. 

Wet from fear. Or is it plasma?

I heave myself from the pool

But she is standing there

Corporeal reality.

I stick out my arm. She clutches it. 

She tries to pull me up, but I am heavy.

By the Gods, she changes into my greatest enemy

And the gigantic flood of blood. 

He glares at my visage. 

He holds limp arm and laughs. 

His evil teeth glimmer with fury.

Splash. He lets my arm go.

I fall down in high definition

This dissipitation of energy

Waves of my fall, approach

The gigantic flood of blood. 

Charon rows towards me. 

Rowing furiously from Acheron

I jump, he catches me. 

We row to that blinding white light. 

But I hear the thread snip cut

Furious Fury roars at me.

The boat becomes a fledging stuck in 

That gigantic flood of blood. 

Paralyzing pain paints pure white flames

In my brain. I am conscious. 

And when I see Him, I scream

And wake up from this dream. 

Silver sweat was that swimming pool.

Fantastic fancies were Satan.

But the knife stuck in my heart

Was the gigantic flood of blood. 

Don't ask me the meaning, I don't know myself. And the protaganist is not me. I hate blood, probably fear it more than everything except for A man with a gun. Or a knife, I don't really go for the particulars. 

Death

THEN

Life was tough, tough on the streets,

And for life, they had front seats.

No glitter, no shine, no polished sheen

For the young family and now man of sixteen

They would wander from place to place

And thus sit out those cruel days

Scavenged dustbins for dregs of food

And that was the best that they really could.

But nights were tougher, longer,

Icy calm would prove stronger

Then all clothes they could manage

Suffering impossible to guage

Despite cruelty, they still went on,

Waiting in desperation for the next morn

It could be better, it could be worse,

It didn’t matter, life was a curse

And on a night that spoke of death itself

His father did so to a leaving  life

He still clung on to trembling shackles

Pleading his son for a new miracle

And the son cringed, it was beyond him

His father slipped to a comatose dream

It wasn’t right, It wasn’t fair

He screamed in silent despair

NOW

Its been four and thirty years now

And how I managed, only I know

Now rich, but clinging to some roots

Has led my labors to the sweetest fruits

But whatever I do, wherever I am

I know my entire life is a sham

‘Cause it still feels like yesterday

When I knelt down at father’s side to pray

I have children now, and they live

And through them my childhood I relive

They are happy and content, I think

But my sanity is on the brink

It used to be hard, and still is

Only hard work and what luck gives

It could be better, It could be worse

It doesn’t matter, Life’s still a curse

And as I now lie, a last sigh

In the best bed that money can buy

And now I know I have to die

But death my son hopes to defy

And as consciousness slips away from me

And as grieving family sits beside my knees

It is not right, It is not fair

My son screams in silent despair.

Why everyone should read Harry Potter

//Rant begins

WHY EVERYONE SHOULD READ HARRY POTTER

What kind of books do you like? Things that keep you on the edge of your... seat? New things that you can open your mind too? Mindless entertainment? Corny jokes? Just something you can finish in a few hours and go back to Physics? Something profound, that you have never understood before?

If it is any of the above things, or things that I have missed out, you should certainly read Harry Potter.

If there is something that I can’t understand, other than trigonometry, it’s that a huge chunk of the literate people in the world has NEVER read anything other than newspaper reports about Harry Potter.  It is absurd that this happen, because it seems that even Stephanie Meyer’s books are, in some circles better received. Now, I don’t like Twilight, much, but even a three year old kid, when comparing the books will tell you that Harry Potter is better. Okay, maybe a ten year old. So therefore, I did my good deed for a day, and probably helped Rowling sell a few more books. But that’s not all. Rowling’s books are a literary masterpiece, their effect compared to that of Tolkien himself. The lady herself is born in July, if that’s any indication. Since I understood that my limited efforts were not helping much, relative to the population of the world, I decide to go off to another tangent. Why some people don’t want to read Harry Potter. One thing I found was that there are precisely zero people that I know who read Harry Potter and disliked it. ALL of them don’t read Harry Potter simply because of a variety of reasons.

Firstly, Harry Potter is criticized by a whole load of dumb people who have never read them. You call them dumb, I call them trolls. Not much of a difference. I just stick a wand down their nose.

1: “Magic does not exist in the real world” This is the most popular reason everyone I know has to offer.  In return for this, I quote Dumbledore.   "Of course it's happening inside your head Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?" No matter what the trolls say, this series is not about magic. Harry Potter is a remarkable person, not a remarkable wizard. The story works WITH magic, not BECAUSE of it. The theme is not about magic, it’s about love. It’s about good always triumphing over evil, of the necessity of sacrifice. About how, a person can be made remarkable because of circumstances, and how they can mould themselves into actually becoming great. At the start of the series, Harry was simply “The Boy Who Lived” but at the end of it all, he was something totally different.

2: “It’s too serious”  Are you kidding, trolls? This series is also what it is because of its iconic humor. Fred and George Weasly are a living, or dead example of this. What about Luna? Neville? Dumbledore for that matter?  For me, the most important scene with respect to humor was perhaps during the actual battle of Hogwarts. Percy cracks a joke, his first and only one throughout the series. And later…  Oh well.

3: “It doesn’t teach me anything”  A valid point for someone who has not read Harry Potter. But to the person who has read it through and through, it’s almost unthinkable. Harry Potter, is simply not a series of a young boy defeating the most feared wizard of all time. Its how he did it. Many times throughout the series, Harry gives up. But every time, he himself, or someone else brings out the reason why he should do whatever he is doing.  Harry starts out trying to get revenge, but in the end, he doesn’t defeat Voldemort for his own benefit. He defeats him simply because of his many atrocities refuse to end. And significantly, he even offers Voldemort a chance. Just before defeating him.

4: “It’s for the girls”  Another valid point. Most of the crazy fans of the series that you see are girls. You have to understand, that the Harry Potter series have some seriously inspiring male characters. Harry, Ron, Neville, Lupin, Sirius, Snape, Voldemort even, and Dumbledore. Most of the girls find these guys ‘hot’. That does not mean that there are no significant female characters. Hermione and Ginny aside, you have great female characters like Bellatrix, Narcissa, Luna, Molly Weasly, McGonagall, Winky, and finally Lily Potter.  There is enough adventure in the series, and boys are sure to understand the emotions that Harry and Ron particularly go through. 

5: “It’s for the young guys”   Finally. Another valid point. Simply seeing that the whole series is about young teenagers, the adults feel that it’s not for them. I am still sixteen, but the books, though about young guys, is not FOR teenagers. It can be read by anyone who can understand the feelings. Above 13 years, methinks, especially after the third book. Emotionally, we see the maturity of the protagonist, from when he starts out as an eleven year old to finally when he can actually objectify his feelings. You also get to see the maturity of the writer as she slowly pens down masterpiece after masterpiece. I seriously don’t think Harry would have said, “Troll boogies” when he was seventeen.

That’s all the popular ones. Here are two more.  Very short ones.

6: “It’s not got good characters”  Dude. Just read the books.

7: “It’s too expensive”  Jeez, man I can’t do something about that!! Just reflect that its money, well spent. Or, go to a library. Or steal it, I don’t know.

That’s all I can think off. Finally, a note on the films. I have heard several people complain about the films.(WHERE IS PEEVES????) but still, you got to hand it over to them that they have shot an extremely difficult series with a moderate amount of success. Some of the moments are brilliantly captured, with special mention to the mirror of Erised scene in the first movie. A high five to Dan Rad. I have never hated anyone as much as I hated Umbridge in the fifth book, when she smiled at the detained Harry. Or laughed so much as when Fred and George properly put it across her ass. Or cried so much as when Dobby died, or for that matter, when Sirius died. Give the movies a break, huh?  

And finally, these morons on the web who “hate” Harry Potter, simply because they can’t read long books. Morons, how do you even exist today? The smallest textbook I have is 1000+ pages long, and I do have to read them. And, moron, do you really think that a whole year can be finished off in just a hundred pages? Go back to your copy of Cinderella, douchebag.

That’s all for now.

//Rant ends. For now.

:D

Ernest Hemingway's Masterpiece

Once, a few colleauges of the distinguished author Ernest Hemingway(he wrote "The old man and the sea" and "for whom the bell tolls") had a bet with him. They said he couldn't make a story of SIX words. THEY PAID UP. Yeah, he did write a short story comprising just six words. He later claimed that it was his masterpiece. Here it is

 For sale: baby shoes, never worn

Thats it. Thats a whole story!!!

At the start, I was really confused. What did it mean. I decided to be Lisbeth Salander and solve it without using google. Needless to say, I used google. (I am South Indian. :P )

The story is, obviously, about a baby. The baby dies, for some reason, a miscarriage maybe, and the only thing that's left is a pair of baby shoes which they had brought, which will now never be worn. It is a story, because it has a protagonist, (a baby), a plot, (the babies death) and even a climax(the shoes never being worn) Now THAT'S a masterpiece!!! 

A Change Of Seasons

Today was my ee exam. It's the third last exam we are giving. Till now, in the classroom, we had been sitting in a particular order. Today, however, we were asked to change our places. The result? Total chaos. I had to get up from my place 5 times, and others, even more. The point being, a sudden change introduced in our daily lives brought about great confusion.

So, like a good student, I wondered about this throughout the exam. Then I understood that our lives our in dynamic equilibrium, a sort of stasis that keeps on changing, but then we get used to the change remarkably soon. We are so used to getting up early-> getting ready for school, or whatever our routine may be. But whenever a change in our lifestyle occurs, it might be anything, from an earthquake, to shifting to a new house, we soon get used to it.

Guess why? Something nifty called Le Chatelier's principle. Now, I am talking chemical kinetics, something we have learned this past year, so I am gonna write it down. Though it is an principle we learnt in ISC chemistry, it works remarkably in this context. The General form of the principle is 

"Any change in status-quo prompts an opposing reaction in the responding system."

Geddit? Life is like a huge reversible reaction, with infinitely many reactants and with infinitely many products. This reaction is in equilibrium, as people die, people are born. As we breath out carbon dioxide and take oxygen, the plants do the opposite. It is like energy, neither created, nor destroyed. The status quo remains the same. However drastic an event is, no matter how it affects us, we adapt. And this is not because we are great or anything, Its just Le Chartelier's principle. 

Shelly, of course, gets to end this.

" Man's yesterday may ne'er be like his morrow;

  Nought may endure but Mutability."

They said God did it for me

Once I was trapped in a quagmire of sorts
A task of stupendous difficulty
And so hard this task was beginning to be
I tottered on the brink of insanity

Proverbial heavy weather, was always there
Sheer weight hunch backing me
I bent, I bent till I could bend no more
Of this prison, could not be free

So I prayed to God, my friends asked me to
I prayed like I never prayed before
His benevolent smile comforted me
Sparse consolation to my soul

Still nothing changed, quickly became morose
again, Pain receded to come back once more
And as waves of pain inundated me
I struggled to find a shore

Finally I took too much, thin line broken
I thought, nay decided to fight back,
If I would win, I would win
If I lose, a hero's last stand.

And fight I did, fight to the
Last shred of humanity
It took me some time, though
To beat the crippling anxiety.

I am rich now, and successful too
Even a tiny bit happy
And then I hear the people say
That God did it for me.